(please don't steal this story without my permission, it's a little embarrassing hahaha!)
"The company's bathrooms were not entirely disgusting. If it wasn't for the dispensers and stalls, it would almost feel like home. Almost. There were complimentary women's sanitary items in little baskets on the backs of all the toilets, and little aerosol cans of freshener to keep the bathroom smelling nice. The problem with these was that the spray cap was gone on every single one of them. They just sat there, useless, a can with a tiny plastic straw sticking out of the top. They sat in random places around the bathroom, the one in the stall I had chosen was perched upon the toilet-paper dispenser.
I used the bathroom for my "number two" duties at almost the same time every day. I had mapped out when there was the least possible chance that someone would walk in on me because I often got stage fright in such situations. Being the type of person to not want anyone to know what I was doing in the bathroom, I had figured out a way to make the fresheners work by hitting the plastic straw part on top against the wall so a little bit sprayed out, covering any unpleasant odors. On this particular day, still sitting with my pants around my ankles, I hit the can against the wall. More than a little sprayed out. The can went off like a tear gas bomb, spraying the sickly sweet "mango" smell like crazy. I had a moment of panic as I tried to figure out how to make it stop. I bashed it against the wall a few more times, to no avail. Without really thinking about it, I had a moment of thought where I figured it would be best just to let the can roll away and pretend not to know a thing about it. I quickly dropped the can and as it rolled away from me- underneath the stall wall- I realized what a bad idea that was. I knew it would quickly fill the bathroom with air freshener, and the fumes were already making me light headed. It continued to spray as it rolled to the far stall, I could hear its crazy hissing as I rushed to finish what I was doing.
I flew out of the stall and into the far one, picking it up. I frantically looked around for something to do with it. More panicked now, as the smell was starting to make me dizzy, I looked for another option. I ran to the automatic paper towel dispenser and waved my hand across it. I ripped off the towel and held it over the nozzle. Immediately I noticed a bold warning on the can "WARNING: LIQUID FORM MAY CAUSE FROST BITE." Great. I let out a little scream as I flung everything I was holding into the trash can. Realizing that the "bomb" was still spraying, and it was bound to get toxic in here at any minute, I fished it out of the trash. What to do?
I ran out of the bathroom holding the can down by my side as surreptitiously as possible while it was hissing so loud. I crossed the office to the warehouse, and ran out the back exit, not before getting some seriously confused glances. I set the can down by the door outside to let it run it's course, figuring the smell would do less damage out here. I walked back inside and headed straight for Sally's desk to tell her about my stupid antics.
I walked up to her and immediately she crinkled her nose at me. "What is that smell! Ugh, it reeks!" I blushed. I hurriedly explained to her what had happened, ending in her laughing out loud and even letting go a loud snort. Sarah ambled back to her desk and groaned, "Jeez! I almost DIED in there! The bathroom is so slippery, I thought I was gonna break my neck!" This just brought Sally's laughter back on full force.
"Great, now i have go clean up the bathroom!" I could hear Sally trying to tell Sarah the story through her peals of laughter as I stalked to the ladies' room. Why did everyone suddenly have to go to the bathroom? Sable, the shakiest old person I had ever met, walked into the bathroom right behind me. I grabbed for some paper towels and tried to mop up the floor by the sinks, but it just smeared the oily substance around.
"They musta waxed the floor in here! It's so slippery!" JoAnne exclaimed as she tried to carefully pick her way to a stall. I couldn't help it, right at that moment the hilarity of the situation hit me. I started hooting with laughter as I ducked quickly out of the bathroom. I was still chuckling when I got back to my desk. The whole office smelled of sickly, artificial "mango" now. And people were definately starting to notice.
About 2 minutes later, two of the women in the office- Annie and Mary, were walking around to every woman in the office to warn her of the slippery danger of the restroom. When they got to the aisle of cubicles I was on, Sally burst out laughing again right after they told her to watch out. She started in on the story again. By the end of the day, everyone in the office had heard, and were muttering things like "Smellin' fresh!" everytime they saw me.
Before closing time, I ran to the restroom one last time and noticed a sign on the door "Careful! Slippery floor!!". Someone else had crossed out the word slippery and written "oily". I couldn't help but snicker. I walked into the bathroom to be taken over by the stong smell that still permeated the whole place. Count on me to keep the place fresh.
I pulled up to the auto shop where my husband worked, and was walking around the car to let him drive home, his nose crinkled up the way Sally's had, "What's that weird smell?"I sighed, Kelsey! You got some 'splainin' to do!"
Good times. Goooooood times.
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