Love, Love, Love

I realized something the other day about love... Love is the same and different in so many ways! I love so many people, but the way that I love them differs slightly. No one on earth can prepare you for how much you are going to love your baby. I thought I understood the different loves there were- love for friends, love for family, love for lovers. In my mind I guess my love for Zade was going to fall under the love for family type of category, however I have had to create a new category- Love for Zade. The way I feel about him is insane! Every time he smiles, my heart skips a beat. Every time he cries, I rush to his side, never wanting anything in this life to hurt him in any way. Every time he makes a noise, I am a puddle on the floor. I LOVE that boy. I could look at him for hours, and often do! I would do anything for him, anything at all, if it meant his happiness. If it meant it would make him smile. If it meant his safety.



Now, I was probably the child that gave my parents the most sleepless nights, the most gray hairs, and the most grief. I never could understand why they cared so much who I was hanging out with, if I broke curfew, where I was even. I was a big girl, right? I knew what I could handle. And yet... I always needed my parents to bail me out. It's so silly looking back on this now. I now understand completely why my parents were the way they were, and in all honesty, I'm surprised they ever even let me leave the house! Zade should be so lucky! (Ha, just kidding!).



But really though, I am so grateful to my parents for loving me. I am so grateful to be able to experence this kind of love myself. It is such a beautiful thing, and I truly hope everyone can feel this for themselves someday!!

A quick blog while the boy sleeps...

7.5 weeks old?! How did we get here so fast? I love my little Zade, he is smiling like crazy! He is now starting to be fascinated by toys dangling above him, he tries so hard to make noises and occasionally will make a goo, or aroo sound. I was thinking today while I was feeding him about how I go back to work in 1 week. How am I going to do that?! Kudos to all you mama's who work, I am struggling knowing it's my last week with him at home. Everyone send strong vibes my way, so I can make it through!!

First Blog, First Post

The newest edition to Team Worner arrived on June 4th, 2010, weighing in at 7 lbs 12 oz, and measured 20.5 inches long. Zade Colter Worner, my beautiful little miracle. He gave us quite the scare when making his entrance into the world! Alan and I had been ansty, as any normal nine-months-pregnant couple would be, to get the baby here and had been going for long walks, jumping on trampolines, eating spicy foods, etc. etc. No luck. He was a stubborn boy and I often joked that he didn't know where the exit was and was going to bust out of me Alien-style. At the time I wasn't aware of just how accurate that would be.

Morning of June fourth, 2010: Cue me sleeping soundly in my bed after having been at labor and delivery until 2:30 AM with false labor. Might I add here that being sent home from labor and delivery SUCKS. You can just tell that everyone there feels just as bad as you do that you were wrong and the baby wasn't coming out. Anyway, back to me sleeping soundly at approximately 11:20 AM. I am suddenly awoken by what my sleepy brain interpreted as myself wetting the bed. However, I quickly realized by the sheer volume and constant rate at which the fluid was expelled that my water had broken. FINALLY! I called Alan at work and his first response is "So, should I come home?" Duh! Let's get this baby outta me!! Alan gets home, and I decide I want to shower and eat first since I know it will be a while before I can do either of those things, and then we are off to the hospital.

12:15 PM- A quick test to confirm that it IS amniotic fluid, and I'm not just having the longest pee of my life, and we are admitted. Everything is hooked up, and after a few tense minutes of the nurse searching around for the heartbeat, we are up and running. Two pokes to get the IV, but it's ok because my baby is coming! Checked, dialated to a 1, 80 percent effaced. This is going to be a while. SIKE! a readjustment of myself, caused a drastic drop in the baby's heartbeat, and though she tried to act otherwise, the almost overly cheerful nurse was making me a little worried. Another quick check and suddenly she was asking for a second opinion on what she though was "tissue" coming from my cervix- the 2nd nurse says "It's the cord, we have definitely got cord here!" She put pressure on the baby's head in an attempt to keep him from squishing the cord, they slammed my bed back so my head was lower than my feet, barked at Alan to keep up, and crashed into the entertainment center. Then we were off down the hallway, several nurses appearing from everywhere to help get me to the OR. The words "emergency C-section" made me hyperventilate as my natural birth plan flew out the window.

Arrival in the OR, nurses cutting clothing off me, washing my stomach, and just generally poking and prodding and frantically preparing me. Suddenly a mask was over my face, I couldn't breathe, and then it got dark. I woke up to a blonde nurse shoving a button into my hand and trying to explain to me how to use it to get pain meds into my system. My eyes were still so heavy but I managed to ask where the baby was and where Alan was. They were together and the baby was safe. My eyes closed again and I'm not sure exactly how I got to the hospital room that I was going to stay in.

Everyone was waiting for me in there- except for the baby. I was really anxious to meet this little guy as it seemed everyone else already had. Finally- Alan brought me the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on and it was love at first sight.

Luckily, Zade is a tough guy (hello, he's a Worner!), and the pediatrician said that his apgar scores were higher than any other baby he had seen with a prolapsed cord as Zade's was. A lot of times babies can end up with brain damage or developmental delays or even in severe cases Cerebral Palsy. We were lucky we were at a hospital and that his cord didn't prolapse at home where I was stupidly showering and eating before going to the hospital.

I am so thankful for my beautiful family and I cannot wait for the years to come.